how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
