Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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