he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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