I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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