Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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