a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
