Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
