it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
And then my night got REAL pukey
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
