You don't have asthma, your pregnant
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
