This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
