Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
