By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
