I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
