We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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