i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
