There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
