I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
