oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Randomize
