Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
