hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
