seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
