The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
