Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
