Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(706): View more from Georgia

TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!

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(501): View more from Arkansas

so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...

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(317): View more from Indiana

Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?

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(317): View more from Indiana

Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...

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(770): View more from Georgia

It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front

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(303): View more from Colorado

Can I chase this vodka with an onion?

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(510): View more from California

As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.

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