Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
