Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just gift wrapped bread.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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