I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
