We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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