I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
