don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
