Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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