i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
