You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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