I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
