Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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