I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
