I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
