Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
