8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
