Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
