I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
