pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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