people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
