fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You ate ashes out of my bong
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
