How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
