I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
