thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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