your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
