this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
