i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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