You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
